


Moonlit Amortentia

by demolitionbucky



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Amortentia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-17 22:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11277909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demolitionbucky/pseuds/demolitionbucky
Summary: Sirius and Remus both smell each other in amortentia, and Remus struggles with being a werewolf and in love.





	Moonlit Amortentia

"Finished, are we?"

A guilty smile etched on his face, Sirius looked up and found himself face-to-face with Professor Slughorn, whom sported a look of pure menace. "Yes, professor," Sirius said after clearing his throat. He glanced over at Remus, whom seemed to be biting the inside of his cheek to keep himself calm.

"Then, the two of you won't mind sharing the utter success of your potion brewing skills?" Professor Slughorn inquired, holding up a small vial in his hand.

"Our deepest desire, professor–" Sirius said, biting his lip hard as Remus elbowed his side.

Ladling the potion into the minute vile, Professor Slughorn began his daily pleasure of tormenting Sirius, the class's most beloved distraction. Yet, holding the vial up into the sunlight, Professor Slughorn exclaiming, "Splendid, my boys! I've not seen a shine ever so pearlescent," Sirius' success revealed itself again.

"Step up, step up!" Professor Slughorn implored, eyes searching the two youthful faces in front of him. After being nudged, the youthful, scarred face belonging to Remus smiled, and Remus stood up to walk up to the front of the class to stand with Professor Slughorn.

"Before we inquire him," Professor Slughorn began, looking around the room with excitement in his eyes. "I must remind everyone that this potion is not to be muddled with, for it can manifest the strongest component of love: obsession!"

"Now, tell us what you smell," Professor Slughorn said, lifting the vial to Remus' nose.

Swallowing hard, Remus sniffed the vile hesitantly. Instantly, the smell of wet clothes, pumpkin juice, and tobacco surrounded him. "Wet clothes after swimming in the lake... pumpkin juice... tobacco..." Remus whispered, eyes fluttering shut as he felt lightheaded.

"Now, Sirius! Come up, don't be shy!"

Sirius nudged Remus out of his daze and stepped up prior to where Remus stood, a sly grin escaping his lips. As Professor Slughorn held the vial underneath his nose, Sirius inhaled sharply, breathing in the pearlescent swirls. The aroma of chocolate, knit jumpers, and–Sirius laughed out loud–dragon dust wafted around him. "I smell chocolate... knit jumpers... and–" Sirius' voice trailed off as he searched for another smell that wouldn't get him expelled. The scent of humid, stormy night came to him. "A stormy, warm night..."

"Well done, both of you!" Professor Slughorn bellowed, snapping Sirius out of his pearlescent daze. Sirius reclaimed his seat next to Remus, glancing at his friend whom seemed to be avoiding his gaze. Sighing, Sirius allowed the duration of Professor Slughorn's lecture to buzz pointlessly in his ears as the pearlescent aura swirled in his chest. Maybe he sniffed a tad much.

***

Potions having ended, James and Peter rolled up right next to the inseparable duo. "I wonder, Sirius... does anyone besides Remus like chocolate that much?" James teased, a cheeky grin curling up on his lips.

"Oh, shut up!" Sirius laughed, throwing his head back as he wrapped an arm around James' shoulder. No one could prove that the potion conjured Remus' scent unless Sirius had truthfully said he smelt dragon dust, too. Glancing over at Remus, Sirius grinned. "Anyone could guess what you would smell," he began. "Lilies or Lily? They're one in the same... remember that one time you forgot she put lilies in your hair?"

"Shove off, Pads!" James joked as the four of them came upon the marble staircase that reassured them that lunch was just around the corner.

Suddenly, Sirius felt a familiar hand on his shoulder. "Hey, Moons and I will catch up with you two in a second," Sirius said to James and Peter.

After James and Peter walked off to the Great Hall, Sirius directed his attention to Remus. "Something wrong, Moons?" By the hungry look found in Remus' eyes, Sirius immediately knew what was going on.

"I'm going to head up to our dormitory," Remus began, face unusually pallid. "I'm not hungry," he added quickly, advancing closer to the steps of the marble staircase.

"Moons, you're fibbing, you must be–"

"I'm not hungry," Remus repeated, voice remaining soft. "Don't worry, Pads."

As Sirius worked his face into one of great contemplation, eyebrows creased and a disapproving look found in his eyes, Remus smiled weakly at Sirius and left him in the Entrance Hall, walking up the marble staircase leading to their dormitory.

Having muttered the password to the Fat Lady, Remus passed through the common room and up the stairs to their dormitory. Sitting down on the edge of his bed, Remus opened the top drawer of his nightstand and rummaged through piles of parchment, pulling out a crumbled up piece of parchment. Smoothing out the edges of the parchment, Remus felt his heart drop at the sight of what his hand rested upon. There was Sirius, messily drawn but still as handsome as ever, smiling and winking at Remus, his black hair falling against his face. Feeling a tightness in his chest, Remus placed the drawing next to him and glanced at the top of his nightstand where a picture of him, Sirius, James, and Peter all had their arms wrapped around one another and smiling. Shaking his head, Remus ran a hand through his hair. He closed his eyes and told himself that it was just a coincidence that Sirius' deepest desire smelled of chocolate.

To further reassure himself, or possibly torture himself, Remus began pondering upon the fact that Sirius was undeniably promiscuous. Throughout the past six years at Hogwarts, Sirius has had multiple girlfriends and boyfriends, and each time Sirius claimed a new lover, Remus began to realize the reason behind the crushing feeling he felt every time he was introduced to Sirius' lovers: he was hopelessly in love with his best friend. And even worse, he was a werewolf.

The mere fact that Remus was a werewolf wasn't the damnation of a possible love affair with his best friend. The damnation of this love affair was that the wolf inside of him created a deep obsession with Sirius. Every year when he arrived at school, Remus felt a deep ache in his heart every time Sirius hugged him, for the scent of Sirius and warmth he felt when they embraced drove him mad. Whenever the embrace broke, Remus felt a hunger in his chest to run after Sirius and embrace him again, just to be able to be close enough to smell him. But he couldn't do that. Instead, Remus pledged himself to a daily, perennial torture: letting go of acting upon his obsession and allowing it to fester in his veins. Windy, warm days often tortured Remus all the way down to his bones. James, Sirius, Peter, and him would sneak off on these days, wander around prohibited parts of the ground, and inhale dragon dust as they pleased. The green, hazy air around him on these days always stole part of Sirius' scent and wafted it toward him through the stupor of laughter, as if teasing him.

Furthermore, Remus had fallen in love with Sirius' disposition. Not to say that Sirius wasn't fit–hell, Sirius was such a hot mess that Remus understood Sirius' capability of easily snatching up girls and boys. But the fact that Sirius welcomed Remus with open arms even after figuring out he was a werewolf was what made Remus fall in love with him. Most sane people wouldn't learn how to transfigure themselves into an animal–one of the trickiest things to master–just to be with their friend when a full moon stirred his blood. Thinking upon the numerous amount of times Sirius helped heal his afflictions, Remus felt his chest continue to tighten. He didn't want to lose the acceptance Sirius humbly wrapped around him, for he was afraid love would scare it away.

Unable to take it anymore, Remus grabbed the animated drawing of Sirius and placed it on the floorboards in front of his bed. Pulling out his wand and pointing it at the drawing, Remus closed his eyes and whispered, "Incendio..." as his heart tightened in his chest. After the warmth of a decently sized fire drifted up into the air, Remus opened his eyes and stared gloomily down at the burning, handsome Sirius. As he watched the paper curl inwards and onto itself, Remus heard Sirius' words echo in his head: "Chocolate... knit jumpers... a stormy, warm night." Shaking his head, Remus murmured, "Please, burn faster... please," as the dark strands of Sirius' hair turned to ashes.

***  
Remus awoke with a jolt, a soft touch of a hand resting on his chest. Eyes blurry as he blinked sleep out of them, he looked from Sirius, down to the pile of ashes on the floor, then back to Sirius. His chest tightened as Sirius' concerned eyes locked with his own.

"You need food, Moony," Sirius said, a slight plea wavering in his voice. He took out of a loaf of bread and a flask of pumpkin juice from his pockets, offering them to Remus.

"How–how long have I been asleep?" Remus breathlessly asked, quickly sitting up to look out the window, sighing in relief when the sky was still blue with a tint of golden.

"Moony," Sirius repeated, emphasizing the middle of his nickname.

Sighing softly again, Remus took a bite out of the loaf of bread, staring Sirius down. "I've been thinking..."

"Slow down! You've got to tell me what's up with you! You missed all your afternoon classes," Sirius began. "I had to deal with Professor McGonagall's wrath. Alone."  
Just as Remus opened his mouth to speak, James and Peter entered their dormitory. James flashed a wide grin at Remus, but he knew that he, too, was worried because he sat down on the edge of his bed was Sirius was doing. Peter merely smiled at Remus and walked over to his own bed.

"It's really getting to me this time," Remus said, looking at James and Sirius, both of them nodding at him in understanding. They both could see the wolf peeking out of Remus' eyes. "I went up here to think..." he said softly, voice trailing off for a moment. "But I got angry and–well, next thing I knew, Sirius woke me up. I guess I passed out in a fit of rage."

Sirius nodded intensely, immediately looking at Remus, reaching forward to grab a handful of his robes. "You aren't hurt, are you?"

"Oh, no, Sirius," Remus said, shaking his head. He tilted his head to the ashes on the floor. "Think about what those ashes are from."

"Excellent that you're not hurt. Dumbedlore would've probably murdered us if we let you hurt yourself as a wizard," James said, laughing softly. As a silence fell, he looked over to Sirius, whom seemed lost in a train of thought, starting at the ashes on the floorboard.

"What are you thinking about, Remus?" Sirius asked, breaking the silence, looking over at Remus.

"Tonight," Remus began calmly, looking at them with a determination found in his eyes.

"What about tonight?" Sirius and James asked in unison. Peter seemed rather disinterested.

"I know you both will probably hate me for saying this, but I am going to go to the Shrieking Shack tonight... alone," Remus stated, looking at them with bright, restless eyes.

"No! You can't go alone, Remus! You could hurt yourself terribly," Sirius snapped, looking at James for reassurance.

As Remus opened his mouth to talk, James chimed in with agreement. "Sirius is right, Remus..."

Standing up from sitting on his bed, Remus shook his head and replied, keeping his cool as best he could. "I need time to think tonight. If I'm not back by the morning, then find me."

***

Staring up at darkness of the night, Sirius felt his heart in his throat. Reassured by the tranquil silence filling the room, both James and Peter were asleep, but Sirius looked over at Remus' empty bed, unable to sleep after Remus persuaded them to let him go transform by himself. The soft glow of moonlight shone against his eyes, reminding him of the keeper of his heart that he had smelled in Potions the past morning. Clenching his hand into a fist, Sirius closed his eyes as he inhaled sharply. Tonight was an usual night, for instead of being by Remus' side on a moonlit night, Sirius found himself in the comfort of the castle without Remus' soft breathing. Running a hand through his hair, Sirius sat up and reached blindly across to his nightstand, picking up the picture of him and Remus at the end of last year. Sirius pressed his forehead against the picture of a laughing, smiling Remus, a deep, warmth suddenly spreading through his chest as his mind grasped for the scent of his knit jumpers that hung loosely against his limbs and the chocolate he always carried around. As Sirius searched for a false sense of being by Remus' side through his own recollection, Sirius wondered if Remus ever thought of him.

Setting the picture back down into the darkness illuminated by a tiny glimpse of moonlight, Sirius' mind wandered throughout the night a bit blindly as his own hands had been. Possibly due to the fact that Sirius didn't mind playing around with others, finding it hard to not find beauty around him, Sirius longed for another green, hazy night filled with Dragon Dust. A few months ago, towards the beginning of the school year, James, Remus, Peter, and him celebrated another year together with Dragon Dust. Remus' eyes on that rich, golden evening met his in tonight's darkness, filling his chest with a deep desire of longing. If only Sirius had been brave enough to reach out and cup his friend's face and just stare into those beautiful, hungry, and now so far away eyes...

And as the hours of the night seemed to drag on and on, Sirius' heartbeat quickened as a dark, dreary dawn crept through the windows. Knowing that Remus should've been back in the dormitory by now, Sirius quietly slid out of bed, lifted up James' trunk softly and grabbed a hold of his Invisibility Cloak, also knowing James wouldn't mind him using it. Before he left, Sirius stashed a chocolate bar from Remus' drawers in his pockets. As the moon subsided, and the sun hid amongst the dark clouds, Sirius snuck out of the castle and dashed madly across the grounds to dive under the Whomping Willow.

***

After removing James' Invisibility Cloak, Sirius quietly creaked through the Shrieking Shack, whispering Lumos as he pulled out his wand in the midst of morning darkness. As he walked through the dilapidated building, Sirius listened intensely for any sound of Remus. Turning a corner, Sirius' heart dropped as the light from his wand illuminated Remus laying in his own blood on the floorboards.

"Moony... Moony..." Sirius breathed, dashing over to him, his pajamas getting stuck on a piece of floorboard, sending him down to his hands and knees as he crashed beside Remus. His wand sparked as its tip grazed the floorboard.

Shakily pushing himself up off the floorboard, but falling back down onto his chest, Remus murmured softly. "Pads... I was going to try and come back, but..."

"It's alright, Moons, I'll help you," Sirius soothed, pushing his wand aside as he scooped up Remus into a sitting position. Steadying his friend, Sirius had both hands softly on Remus' shoulders, a look of concern twisting on his face. "What... what happened?" he asked.

Tired eyes stinging as he felt a cry rise in his chest, Remus found himself speechless, reaching out shakily to rest himself against his friend. As Remus felt Sirius' arms hesitantly wrap around him, Remus, feeling hot tears stream down his cheeks, whispered, "I'm... I'm a monster, Sirius..."

"No," Sirius said immediately, shaking his head, pulling back to cup Remus' face in his hands, looking at him with pleading eyes. "Look at me. Listen to me. You're the farthest thing away from a monster. You've never hurt anyone but yourself..." he began, noticing how cold Remus's skin was. "You haven't hurt anyone. I know you haven't. Why would you say you're a monster?"

Remus' eyes brimmed with tears as he breathed, each breath aching in his bones, his newly afflicted scars stinging in the cold air. "I'm a monster because... because of what I smelled in Potions yesterday," he said, voice wavering as he looked at Sirius.

Sirius' heart skipped a beat as he stared at Remus in concern. "I..." Sirius stammered, screwing up his face in concentration. "Tell me what you smelled... unless it was... a dead animal or something, which it wasn't, you're not a monster," he said, laughing nervously as his thumb grazed down Remus' cheek by accident.

Eyeing Sirius nervously, Remus swallowed and began to speak. "I smelled... wet ch-clothes after swimming in the lake," he whispered, still managing to look at Sirius. He felt his mouth go dry. "Pumpkin juice and... tobacco..."

"That's right," Sirius said, nodding his head. He hesitantly wiped a tear away from Remus' cheek, smiling softly at him. "I remember you saying that. What's so special about it? How does it make you believe you're a monster?"

Remus' lips twitched as he looked up at Sirius. "It's special because it was you I smelled... it makes me a monster because monsters scare away everyone... I'm afraid my... my love for you, Sirius, will scare you away..." he confessed, letting his head hang low as he closed his eyes, tears falling against the newly afflicted scars.

Shakily reaching for his wand, Sirius picked it up and waved it across Remus' cuts. "Episkey..." he whispered, the wounds that Remus had afflicted upon themselves healing.

Confused, Remus looked up again, wiping at his eyes at Sirius stared at him. After a moment's silence, Remus began, "See, this... this is why I'm a monster. A werewolf can't... can't separate love from obsession–"

Cupping Remus' face again, Sirius stroked Remus' cheek softly. "Remus... you're no monster. If you are, well, I guess I'd have to say I'm in love with a monster, wouldn't I?"

"...What?" Remus stuttered, eyes widening.

"You heard me," Sirius said, leaning in to press his lips gently against Remus'.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @demolitionbucky
> 
> Shoutout to @bucharestbuck for the idea of Wolfstar amortentia! Check out their stories!


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